So I asked my mom about therapy again... went even worse than last time... I really shouldn't go into any details... my mom kept making these random connections that were just untrue and now she really wants me to get rid of any and all contacts/relationships I have with people that I do not know IRL...

And she... she honestly does not understand and that is my fault. I asked if we could try some sort of mental help and she got mad again because I seem fine. I have a great physical life. But mentally something is wrong, and she would not listen when I tried to explain. So I just shut down.

I shut up. Went mute for about an hour straight. Everything I tried to say was met with me getting put in the wrong due to evidence of connections that said "Jake is just an ungrateful child who needs to stop talking to people online".

I would not have even considered bringing up help if I knew it would turn into that shitshow. Now my parents are just angry at me and think I am ungrateful and a brat. I am so fucking aware of how good I have it, but that does not mean I am completely exempt from having issues myself. And the fact that I am unable to discuss these issues without creating some sort of conflict or drama only worsens them.

I don't even know what my issues are exactly. It's all mental, something in my mind is not right and is putting me through hell, but if I try and explain it then I just sound like either an ungrateful brat or an insane person. It's bullshit.

I'm not abused. I am not mistreated. I am taken care of. The only thing my parents do that I do not like is how they lash out and call me a spoiled brat whenever I do not seem happy.

It's just dumb. Life is dumb. Everything is fucking dumb. My fucking drawings are dumb. Why the fuck do I even draw. It's all so fucking dumb. My mom talked about how I don't do anything with my life and that is apparently one of the reasons I am unhappy. I've started drawing. I've started doing something with my life. Didn't fucking help. None of it fucking made me feel happier. I just felt the same. 

I... goddamn... I went apeshit just then... I need a break from life... I guess I am going to spend the weekend at my Grandmas... so that'll be okay I guess...

Don't feel like offering help or anything. I don't need it. My mom said she'll look into something for me. Even though I supposedly don't need it. I'll be fine I guess...

I'll be fine