Nothin super important here. Just got bored and felt like typing lol
I want to start drawing more human things instead of the usual Dinosaur/Kaiju/Pokemon, but for some reason I am legitimately afraid to. I know how, I have done very rough sketches in the past and they were alright I guess for my experience at the time, plus I've learned allot since then so I can be sure I'll come up with something nice.
But I have this like itch in the back of my skull telling me no because if people didn't call me a girly nerdy weak weeaboo little bitch back then they sure as hell will now, even though I'll be drawing these in total privacy and show them to nobody.
There is no way people would know! So why am I so scared to do it? I don't know aaaaah!
Oh BTW I've joined a Korea club/class so that's cool. Every Wednesday after school. We just learned the basic like phonetic alphabet and spelled our names. Mine is 제이크 (pronounced Jeikeu) The compound vowels are the hardest for me. They all look and sound pretty similar. Plus the teachers Korean accent makes it a little hard to understand when she is speaking english... but that may be because I had to sit in the very back (I hate sitting in the back I am a front row seat person. So much easier right up there and able to get up and around freely)
I have a page full of notes on this. Honestly... first time I have ever actually taken notes on my own without the teacher telling us to. And these notes are sooooo much better than the ones my normal teachers force us to write. I actually was able to go back to them and understand them haha.
I am honestly much more of a Japanese person. I've grown up with Japanese culture always poking it's way in my life thanks to Anime and the original Godzilla movies (Tokyo SOS is one of my favorites!) But I had the chance to learn about a culture I had zero knowledge of and I am fairly sure it will be really fun in the end lol.
...I have yet to discuss Therapy with my mom. I was going to today... but she really does not like me going to Korea club so there already was enough conflict there. In fact, she does not like me taking interest in things outside of my country. Thanks to the wonders of Discord I have friends all over the world. A few good ones I think.
I was talking to one from the Netherlands, my mom asked who I was talking to when she saw me laughing and I told her. Her face just morphed into one of "Omg stop". I do not see what is wrong with me talking to people from other countries and exploring various cultures and stuff. I thinks she wants me to focus more on making friends IRL than over the internet which I guess is understandable... but she doesn't seem to understand that there is nobody for me IRL in this town.
I have one IRL friend and a few people I have positive relationships with but wouldn't call friends. But my one IRL friend, that relationship is falling apart thanks to his toxic new girlfriend. She has barely known him for a year yet acts like they are soulmates until "death do us part". They are barely halfway through Highschool, haven't even been dating for four months, and already talk of future marriage and sex and how they will do all these wonderous romantic things together forever and ever... it's unhealthy
I get it is his very first GF ever, but I have had multiple and have warned him of those exact things. But thanks to his GF being a Grade A Emotional Manipulator he has fallen under the unrealistic ideals of Teen Love. I barely get to even talk to him in the halls anymore. 8 years of inseparable friendship basically thrown out the window for some girl he barely even knows the middle name of.
Yeah I am jealous :P
Not like romantic jealous. I just want my friend back. I've thought about me and him together before, and I didn't like it. We have (or had) a family bond. Can't turn that into romantic, it would be wrong. But I have been curious about what a boyfriend would be like as of late... might just be a phase though. There arwe absolutely zero guys in my school I would date. Yeah a few of em are cute/nice lookin I guess but they are all total dickheads/asshats/douchebags/etc. Nothing I would even think about being with.
I won't think on it too much. Even if I was like gay or something it wouldn't bother me. I never have been one for labeling my sexuality. Never really thought about it. Open minded is the term I guess. Oh well, I don't care right now lol. I'm literally just letting my fingers type what feels right while my brain sits back and tries to regain the hour of sleep I lost this morning by waking up an hour before my clock went off.
5:41 A.M. right now. Bus get's here in 40ish minutes. I guess I'll start getting ready for school -_-
Bye <3
NyanaCreation
so reading the first part, i think thats sad. for me i was kinda afraid to learn body proportions because i have the feeling i am bad at them but that just means i had to do it because it's the only way to get better at it. if you want to do it do it. others don't have to do anything with you and if they will call you that it's horrible of course but they don't deserve you. your really nice and awesome so they are the once missing out. i am sure you can do it.
the korean class sounds so cool. i am jealos to be honest. i have been wanting to learn japanese or korean for more than a year now but it isn't really possible but i know that if you learn korean it's easier from there to learn japanese. atleast that is what i heard from people who spoke origanally english and started to speak korean and then went over to japanese as well so it might make it easier. i wish i could take a class like that but i hope your having fun even though the teacher is a bit hard to understand.
then the part about your mom, from what i can hear she isn't really open to everything outside but you also need to keep in mind she is from a different period and some parents think the internet and people on there are very dangerous so but the inportant thing is that you enjoy yourself. that's what matter that your happy (and i know the Netherlands way to well :p you might guess why XD ) i am glad the person from there is nice to you ^^
also BF and GF can be toxic like that especially when it's your first one. when my ex best friend had her first bf she completly dissapeared for a couple months, until they broke up. mabey you can talk to him or see him at an specifick date. it's good there talking about sex (because you need to talk about it and see where the other is coming from) but you also have to make time for friends (unless your like me and your litterly stuck at classes and are home late and litterly can't do anything after) i hope you two can talk soon though. seeing a friend like that going up in smoke sucks but if you descide to talk to him be carefull with the words that you choose. gf and bf are like sensitive subjects. i hope you two can hang out soon though.
about thinking about guys in that way don't worry. it might be a phase or your part of the community now :p i never thought about liking girls or people in between before two years ago but i saw i didn't care. they just had to be nice and have a good personality. and i first was Bi (bisexual) and now pan (pansexual) if you like guys as well thats fine. you just need to find the right guy. i litterly had a crush on my best friend (girl) a couple months back not anymore but she was perfect. unfortunally she is straight so yah XD it sometimes take time but if you have thought about it and would say you would be with a guy if you thought about it (not the douchebags and stuff but just a nice caring guy you like) i doubt it's a phase :p but thats okay just saying ;) anyway it might be time to explore who you are. it helps alot atleast it did for me ^^