I know what I want to do with my life.
I want to make art. Not just draw. I want to like make worlds. Something that feels alive. Like, painting I guess. No actually, not painting. I want to just create. Scenes, worlds, anything. Things that cannot be seen in real life because they don't exist. I want to make them appear so real that you would think for a moment they are. That's why I loved Jurassic Park. I literally am John Hammond. I want to make something real.
My issue? I have no clue where to start. I have zero experience. I have no opportunities to gain experience. My school doesn't offer any opportunities to do anything like that. I don't know how to start. What I need is to be put on this path properly. I'll try and look for some online art schools. But online schooling is not really a viable option for me because my internet is just abysmal.
I know for certain I'm not just talking out my ass here over a phase. I've done that several times. I know what that's like. All of my phases have been in the sense of wanting to create something that does not exist in the real world. Transformers, Dinosaurs, Aliens, Skyrim, Pokemon, all of them have been me wanting to bring these things to life, or if not that then live in their world.
I want to create. If it is not alive I want to make it alive. I do not wish for it to die. I hate when fandoms/franchises and the like die. Because it means that world dies. I've been looking at my life all wrong. Well... not wrong. I just haven't been looking at it. I've been too focused on the current franchise I am addiced to that I have not realized they are all connected and for good reason.
I always feel disconnected from the real world. I never feel like I can be apart of it. People shut me out of their lives, so I shut the entire world out of mine and have tried living in these fantasy worlds that do not exist. I've started RP, RolePlay, lately. I've made a few different characters and have ultimately had a blast living in the fantasy worlds of RP. Sure, I've had a few stressful moments due to RP but those were all caused by my normal teenage bullshit. When the drama hormones aren't kicking in and I am just being me it is just amazing. I feel like I actually am the character in this world and everything feels real.
Even when the chatroom is talking out of character and no actual RP is happening I still feel like I am apart of something. I feel welcomed. In my main Discord group I feel like I'm actually apart of something. There are people there who like me for who I am and offer help when I am upset. I feel like I have taken those people for granted and I am sorry. And to the people who I don't get along with I am sorry as well. You seem like great people, even though we do not get along.
I love you all so much for everything you have helped me through. To everyone I have met online, I love you all.
Nyanacreations. Thank you so much for everything. You have helped me so much.
Cecameron. I know you will not read this, but I absolutely love your comic series and it has inspired me greatly. Thank you.
OldWhiskeyGuy. You are the best fucking Pole I have ever met. You've helped me, you've inspired me, I look up to you. Thank you so much.
Newgrounds. You have played a big part of helping me find what I want to do with my life. You are so amazing and filled with so much inspiration. Whenever I feel upset, I just open up Newgrounds.com and scroll through what everyone has made and I after a good ten minutes of scrolling through I feel so rejuvinated. Thank you.
Everyone else, if I could I would fucking hug you. I mean it when I say I thank you for putting up with my bullshit. I may have taken everyone for granted, but I will do my best to never forget.