I'm back and in a good writing mood! It's been too long lol. 

EDIT: Warning, things get a little emo as usual in the first half but please read all the way through as my way of thinking basically flips entirely 

I'm on the last few episodes of RWBY, it's probably not as great as people continuously hype it up to be but that does not mean it's not a great show. I really love it and reccomend it to some people who don't even watch anime lol

I'm in a creative phase again, this time it's 2D animation. The last thing I thought I would get into turns out to be one of my hardest creative phases ever lol. But the term I'm using, creative phase, it doesn't really work all that well. I want to create, but I feel I lack the one thing that's most important. Creativity. 

When I was first introduced into creating, it was through Fanfiction. The least creative form of content ever. All te characters and settings were already there, all you did was throw something of your own in there and BOOM story. I've never been all that great with originality. At least I think I haven't. I usually (like all teenagers) criticize my self more harshly than I should.

The only real original thing that I've ever made and was really proud of was a Dungeons and Dragons character I made a while back when I used to play DnD. It was basically a boy who loved magic, yet came from a town who had banished it. He was forced to flee home when he was caught using magic (which led to the execution of his abusive mother who was thought to be a Witch), and stumbled across an old Elven wizard named Vanarin who took him under his wing and raised him from then on teaching him magic and stuff. So yeah, I definitely have potential to make some great things. But I haven't really had the chance to actually try and make anything I guess.

I can't afford all these fancy programs to help me explore all the different types of art and content and stuff, or even a computer than can run them. So I have never had the chance to actually try. I hear these stories of great creators growing up naturally drawing or something similar, but I never really got the chance. Well... Okay that's it! Enough of this bullshit! If I want to get anywhere I NEED to be honest with myself. Forget all the sad emo teenager in distress bullshit I made you read. I do have the chance. I just don't take it.

I have a notebook in my room dedicated to drawing, but I only have 2 drawings in there. A sketch I literally copied off of Google Images of G1 Soundwave from Transformers, and a full version of the shit kaiju I uploaded on here. I would draw in there, but I don't know what to draw. EVER. I am really good at drawing things like Kaiju and Dinosaurs and things of the like, and used to do it quite a bit in Middle School, had a notebook full of it, but I got bored of it after a while. It never went anywhere, I was drawing the same things everytime. A profile Allosaur head, a full body Spinosaur, a Raptor running, a side view of a dragon or wyvern or something similar. That is my fault for never challenging myself to draw something out of what I normally did to help enhance my skills. If I continued with that and made an effort to get better, I could see myself uploading great images of those creatures online to showcase them. But I didn't. I gave up. I didn't try. 

I always tell myself "I'm trying" when people tell me I'm being lazy. And I believe it to. I have a bad habit of lying to myself and others living in a world where I do nothing wrong, and it sucks. I hate it. I need to break it. I need to escape. I need to be honest. I like to hold myself up as a person of honor, but liars don't have any honor at all. Okay, new plan. New way of thinking. I'm going to fucking own Highschool after summer break ends. I'm going to try, I'm going to explore what I'm good at, and challenge myself. I'm going to commit. I don't give a shit if everyone hates me, no more emo (okay I'll keep the hair but that's it).

Oh man I need food xD That's enough for today lol

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day! :D